Ok, this is long...
Matty was an on/off bitter at daycare while he was in the older infant room. One day he started getting bitten, he started biting, and it went downhill from there. There was one week where he bit 3 days in a row, even the poor teacher got in the middle and got grazed once. It was weird, he bit one day, he stopped for weeks, he started biting again, and then in stopped. At home he didn't bite, so we met with the daycare management and discussed a plan. Keeping and eye on him, determine why he is biting and redirect, etc. All this time he was also getting bitten, but how can I argue too much about my kid getting bitten when he was biting as well??
Ben is 15 months and was moved to the young toddler room about a month after his 1st birthday. The first week he was bitten, and he bit 3 times in one day. Oh-no reports were coming and fast!! Whoooaaa, not this again!! Well, after that first week he stopped, but he is getting bitten pretty often since then... about 1-3 times a week. He is also getting this, hmmmm, I will describe as pinches that break skin and take days to heal. Some times we get what they call the boo-boo reports, but some days we don't and we discover the bites and pinches at bath time. He has light tan skin and he is getting ugly bruises that eventually scar. His back and shoulders are looking terrible. He is just 1 year old people!! This is just starting!!
Anyway, we were at the birthday party of a 1 year old buddy this Saturday. It rained, so the party was moved indoors. Crazy, around 15 kids (mostly infants and toddlers) running around. Both Matty and Ben were doing great, and then... Ben bit a boy. A 6 year old boy to be exact... did I mentioned Ben is 15 months? I mean, he is big for his age, but come on!! I digress... so, Ben was playing with a toy and I was sitting behind him. From nowhere this boy comes and pulls the toy out of his hands; and I mean in an aggressive kind of way. Ben reaches for the toy, and I said "It's ok baby, play with something else", but the boy's mom said "No, they can share". Well, I didn't like the idea of my baby playing with this older boy, but whatevs! Not 1 minute pass when I see the boy reaching/pulling the toy again, and in slow-mo I see Ben head going down. I look and I say "Ben... what are you doing??". Yes, he was biting the 6 year old boy. And he did it so hard, I had to squeeze his cheeks for him to let go.
I immediately told my husband to look over Ben and I went on ER mode with the boy. I took him to the kitchen and applied ice to the area. The bite didn't break skin, but it was sooo hard that the teeth marks didn't go away for the 5++ minutes I was icing the area.
People were stopping over... "what happened buddy? "
-He told "his" story, "the kid in red bit me".
-His mom (an acquaintance from mommy's night out) comes over, "OMG, what happened?"
-I told her "my son bit him", before I could finish she asked "which one?"
-Me "the little one, the baby... I'm sorry"
-Me "OMG, I'm soo sorry"
-Me "They were playing, toggling for the toy and your son pulled it"
-Her, to her son "I told you to share"
-Me "I can't believe he bit him, he usually doesn't bite"
-Me "I'm sooooo sorry"
>>you get the point!!
I apologize as many times as I could while she was standing there. Then the boy asked, "why did he bit me?", and I explained "He is just 1 year old, he is still a baby, and he doesn't talk. So, he doesn't know how to express his feelings yet. At that age, sometimes babies bite to communicate. Maybe he got scared because you are so much bigger than he is". I think I did a good job explaining, then he said "wow, he bites hard", and I said "yes, I'm soo sorry".
Eventually mom took over, but not without letting me know that she thought this was the first time he was bitten, ever!! Really mom? I already feel like crap, do you need to go there?? Anyway, I apologized a trillion times more and she took her boy away.
I'm black, but I swear, my cheeks were bright red I was so embarrassed. At that age, kids don't understand too much about hurting other kids, so you do your best to correct them, explain what they did wrong, and eventually you have to move on. BUT, why can't you move on?? why do you start over thinking things?
*Oh, God, the other daycare kids parents are here.
*They saw Ben biting, they are going to think he is the bitter in class. (Teacher told me he is not "the bitter" in this room)
*They are going to think we are awful parents.
*In the next mom's night out the boy's mom is going to bring this up and other moms will look at me like "she has the kid that bites, no play dates with them".
We were leaving the party shortly after the incident, but I asked the hubby to stay a little longer. I didn't want people to think we were running away because of the situation. I'm embarrassed as hell, but I don't want to run away.
Awww, I hate these feelings. So... all this to ask, how do you handle biting/pushing/hitting incidents? Do you apologize but still feel the shame? How long do you feel ashamed of what your kids do to other kids? How do you get over it? It's been a couple days and I'm still not over it.
Please share your story!!
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